Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- Disney's California Adventure.

Before the Disneyland parking lot was transformed into the Disneyland Resort's second gate, what to do with the land was part of a Machiavellian scheme on the part of Disney. Not only did Disney own the property in Anaheim, but it also owned beachfront area, the Queen Mary, and the hangar of the Spruce Goose in Long Beach. When Eisner decided to expand Disneyland and make it a resort, he had the choice of the two cities. Thus began the battle between Long Beach and Anaheim. Anaheim promised widened roads and improved curb appeal and tree growth along Harbour and Katella Boulevards in return for WESTCOT Center, a more lush and elegant version of Florida's EPCOT Center. Long Beach was going to improve their roads and give Disney more beachfront property for them to build DisneySea, a park devoted to sea life. The Long Beach project caused an uproar amongst Eco-friendly groups, which led to it's demise. Having settled on Anaheim, planning for WESTCOT began. The idea metamorphosed into Disney's California Adventure, designed to explore the beauty of the Golden State without having Disneyland's guests have to leave to see it. Unpopular from the start, California Adventure is currently undergoing a massive billion dollar refurbishment and overhaul, but there are only three major changes that Disney could have, should have, and would have made.

Could Have- Created a Cohesive Logo

Disney's California Adventure is lacking in that it does not have an immediately recognizable logo. Disneyland has it's calligraphy, EPCOT Center is sleek, Disney's Animal Kingdom is rustic, but California Adventure is somewhat schizophrenic. While it is often identified with the above logo, the park also has used a simple, somewhat dull font that says "Disney's California Adveture," without any other details, and the wheelchair signs use a rough font on a bear claw. Which is the proper logo? Disney should choose just one, and I personally like the above logo best. It looks nice, it is not as unexciting as one variation, and not as rustic as the other, which really only fits the Grizzly Mountain district. A new logo may come with the refurbishment, but Disney would best be advised to choose only one and use it for all publicity, so as not to cause confusion. Finally, while not a dramatic change, like with Countdown to Extinction it can greatly affect the guest's opinion of the park.

Should Have- Built a Berm

A "berm" is Disney's word for a large earthen mound built around the perimeter of their parks to block the outside world. Every Disney theme park has one, except for Disney's California Adventure. While the lack of a berm makes the park look intriguing from the outside, as almost every building can be seen, it also causes reality to sneak inside, setting the fanciful Paradise Pier against the backdrop of downtown Anaheim, rather than a seaside amusement park. The berm's nonexistence certainly saved Eisner money, but it distracts overall from the fantasy. While it is true that most guests are too busy looking at the scenery to acknowledge the outside world, it is particularly glaring in Paradise Pier. The jarring landscape of a small city outside the gates of the park certainly does fit with the theme of a sleazy amusement park on, say, Coney Island, but it is certainly not Disney. With the refurbishment changing the park's perimeter with new areas, a berm could potentially be built, although it may be too close to the sidewalks in Anaheim.

Would Have- Superstar Limo

"Wait!" you say, "They DID build Superstar Limo and it was crap!" Yes, the version of Limo that they built was odd to say the least. While I liked it, the other guests apparently did not, and Limo was closed after only one year. However, the Imagineers did not intend to build the version of Superstar Limo seen in the park, but rather a small roller coaster through scenes of Hollywood. The concept was that you were a famous star who had just landed at LAX,. To show the airport, the entrance would have been through a small version of the Theme Building, which was designed by the Imagineers. Inside would be a postage stamp sized recreation of the Encounter restaurant, visible only from the monorail. Once you boarded your limo, Eisner would tell you that you had to hurry to Grumman's Chinese Theatre to sign a contract with Disney. Your chauffeur would tell you that he knew a shortcut, and thus would begin your zany trip through Los Angeles, included sharp turns and swerves away from the adoring paparazzi. Then tragedy struck. Britain's Princess Diana was killed in a motor accident during the attraction's design phase. Suddenly, swerving away from the paparazzi was out of vogue, and Superstar Limo received the overhaul seen in the park. California Adventure's only darkride, it became a slow, cartoonish trip through Hollywood inside jokes. (Show of hands- who got the "Bauble Room" joke without it being explained?) Although Eisner himself was out of the ride, it was very much his pet project, although some of his gags, such as the "Dreamjerks" studio, were cut. The attraction opened to little fanfare became one of the first of California Adventure's attractions to close.

For more information on the history of Disney's California Adventure, Jim Hill wrote a excellent series titled, "California Misadventure" for his blog, Jim Hill Media.

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- Disney's Animal Kingdom

Billed as a whole new breed of theme park, Disney's Animal Kingdom certainly is. Rich with theming, Animal Kingdom brings visitors through realistic, modern Africa and Asia while showing humanity's impact on nature and the animal world, both positive and negative. The park also includes Rafiki's Planet Watch, a working veterinary hospital for the park with important messages about doing one's small, yet vital, part in conservation; Camp Minnie-Mickey, a character meet-and-greet area made to look like an Adirondack campground; and Dinoland USA, focusing on the fascination with extinct creatures. The park was given a large budget, but there is room for improvement in anything.

Could Have- Kept the "Countdown to Extinction" name

At first, the idea of a simple attraction name change seems foolish and pointless, but Dinosaur, formerly Countdown to Extinction, is in desperate need of such an adjustment. The interior of the prestigious Dino Institute not only houses exhibits based more on extinct animals than dinosaurs in particular, but also the CTX Time Rovers, based on the name Countdown To Extinction. The name was changed to tie in with Disney's computer animated film, Dinosaur, which did poorly at the box office. The name is not a draw, nor is the attraction inside based on the film, so a rename would not send conflicting messages. The story is about the supposed meteor shower that wiped out the dinosaurs, so Countdown to Extinction makes sense with the idea of a race against time to escape the past without becoming extinct. Also, the current name does not hold as much significance to the commitment to extinct animals as a whole, rather than specifically dinosaurs, as a mural of extinct creatures dons the wall of the ride's gift shop. Finally, Dinosaur conveys to guests that the ride is about dinosaurs, which is both bland and unrevealing about the plot of the attraction. Countdown to Extinction, however, is attention catching and briefly gives the idea that the ride is fast paced and thrilling, unlike the sedate Institute facade. While a name change is minor, it has an effect and could easily be done.

Should Have- The Excavator

Animal Kingdom opened with the promise to "pay tribute to animals live, extinct, and imaginary," so naturally a Dinosaur themed area would be a major aspect. Dinoland, USA ended up opening with only one major attraction, Countdown to Extinction; a restaurant(osaurus); and a play area, the Boneyard. While it ended up being only a McDonald's sponsored playground, albeit a detailed play ground themed to a dinosaur dig site, the Boneyard was planned to have much more. The area's focus, seen in the artwork above, was going to be "The Excavator," a wooden roller coaster in a mine cart over and under the land, including dramatic sweeps passed fossils. All seemed green lit for the coaster, but as costs began to rise and Animal Kingdom's budget got higher and higher, Eisner had to pull the plug on select projects deemed unimportant, the first and foremost being the Excavator. While Dinoland is much more completed with the addition of Chester and Hester's Dino-Rama!, and now has the Primeval Whirl coaster, the Excavator would be a thrilling, thematically correct way to improve park capacity and draw in more guests. Plans have not been made to build the Excavator, and the land originally planned for it has been developed, causing a problem over where to put the attraction should it be built. The best area would probably be behind Chester and Hester's, but that could provide problematic views of backstage areas. Also, the skyline would become unbalanced, with large Expedition Everest and the Excavator on the east side of the park, and no large structure to the west.

Would Have- Beastly Kingdomme

No conversation about planned Animal Kingdom is complete without mention of Beastly Kingdomme, alternatively spelled Kingdome and Kingdom. The Kingdomme was planned for the space now occupied by Camp Minnie-Mickey, along the Discovery River between Discovery Village and Africa. Beastly Kingdomme would have been split into two areas, the good side, with a Fantasia boat ride past the Greek/Roman gods of the "Pastorale Symphony" segment and a hedge maze to find a beautiful unicorn in a magical grotto, and the evil side, home to the charred ruins of the Dragon's Tower. Upon entering the castle, bats hanging upside down would tell guests of a great treasure in the fortress's charred remains, guarded by a fabled fire breathing dragon. Once the guests boarded, Kuka's robotic arm technology would carry them through the castle, past the treasure, and culminating with a climactic glimpse of the dragon, holding a charred roller coaster train and breathing real fire at visitors. Imagineers were excited about the area, so they gave the parking lot a unicorn area, adorned a ticket booth with a dragon's head, and put a dragon on the park's logo. Even the Discovery River Cruise would have featured an area with charred knight's armour and a dragon, based on the one beneath Disneyland Paris's castle, breathing fire at the guests. Unfortunately, budget cuts were made, first causing the dragon along the river to be replaced by a dragon-shaped rock formation. The cuts continued, and finally the entire area was dropped, replaced by the "temporary" Camp Minnie-Mickey, which proved to be more popular than the executives in Burbank thought. Beastly Kingdomme could be built, and it would draw many more tourists and thus make money for the park, while also giving the logo, parking area, and ticket booth more meaning. Disney's Animal Kingdom must fulfill it's goal to pay tribute to animals living, extinct, and imaginary.

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- Disney's Hollywood Studios

There are three approaches to the history of Disney's Hollywood Studios. One group, the "official" story, claims that the Studios' Great Movie Ride was intended as the focus of an entertainment pavilion for EPCOT Center, and Michael Eisner thought that it was an excellent idea that could anchor an entire park. Group two insists that it was all a plot by Eisner to undermine the success of the nearby soon to open Universal Studios. In reality, it is most likely a combination thereof, an idea for an entertainment pavilion was proposed and Eisner thought that it would anchor a park that would keep guests from going to Universal. The park is currently undergoing a major rehab, with name changes, new areas, and new attractions galore. Yet, there are only three things that Disney could have, should have, and would have done to improve the Studios.

Could Have- Done Actual Filming

Actual filming while guests toured the park. That was Disney's plan to lure guests to the Disney-MGM Studios, as it was then known. It's seemed to be the perfect idea, a win-win-win situation- Disney could shoot television series and films in Florida much cheaper than in California, guests could experience show business first hand, and the state of Florida and city of Orlando could get the prestige of becoming Hollywood east. Everything was set. The promise of filming was printed in guide books and advertisements, Disney had multiple shows and movies to film at the park, and guests were anticipating seeing real movie stars. Then reality came in fantasyland. It cost just as much to film in Florida as it did in California once the price of airfare was added in. That ended Disney's desire to do much of anything, other than a few television shows and animation, but even those stopped filming. Guests were upset, as whenever shooting actually did happen, those parts of the park were closed off. Disney finally set up cast members with cameras along the backlot tour route, and had the tour guides tell guests to be quiet, due to the filming of a music video. Frequent guests caught on to the ploy, and Disney stopped. Actual filming in the park of television and animation could easily happen again, and guests could walk through sound-proof halls with audio playing inside the hall for guests to hear. Also, if the price was the same for movie making, then Disney could film in Florida without problems.

Should Have- Indiana Jones Adventure

Disney has often had a good friendship with George Lucas, leading to such attractions as Star Tours, the Studio's Indiana Jones stunt show, and Disneyland's Indiana Jones Adventure attraction. Disney's Hollywood Studios prominently featured the works of Lucas in the form of the Stunt show and Star Tours. Rumor began to circulate in the late 1990s that Disneyland's amazing Indian Jones Adventure attraction would be coming to Disney-MGM Studios, a park in desperate need of expansion. The attraction would have been the perfect compliment to the similarly-themed stunt show, and was considered by Disney executives. However, Disney's Animal Kingdom opened in 1998 with the Countdown to Extinction ride, which used the same technology and track layout as Anaheim's Indy. Disney decided that two similar rides should not be on the same property, so in a twist of fate similar to that of the Western River, Indy was doomed. With the current emphasis on refurbishing the Studios, rumours have started again that the Temple of the Forbidden Eye will be an aspect of a proposed Lucasfilm Studio expansion, which would be very beneficial to the Hollywood Studios, still very much a "half day" park. Disney's notion that two similar ride systems are not good when close together is a bit far fetched considering most of Fantasyland is the same type of darkride, and rarely do guests ride Peter Pan's Flight and deem it the same as Snow White's Scary Adventures. Technology does not usually affect the average guest; it's the theme that makes two rides different or similar.

Would Have- Maroon Cartoon Studios

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit" was an excellent success for the Walt Disney Company, so naturally they capitalized on the characters, opening Mickey's Toontown in California, devoting much of Disneyland's fortieth anniversary to Roger, making theatrical shorts, and naturally having him be a heavy influence on their newest park in Florida. Eddie Valiant's office from the film is seen over Echo Lake, complete with "No Toons" sign and a Roger shaped hole in the window. On Hollywood Boulevard, Roger, Jessica, and Baby Herman are the focus of Maroon Cartoons' billboard. Disney even intended to devote much of the Sunset Boulevard area to Roger, opening the Maroon Studios. The area would include the Red Car from the film, a simulator ride through Toontown, a diner with actual Toons eating along with guests, Baby Herman's runaway buggy miniature roller coaster, in which guest would ride a baby carriage while wearing a giant diaper and bonnet, making for hilarious photos throughout the ride, and Roger's multilevel Car-Toon Spin, where guests would ride in Benny the Cab through Toontown. The problem was that Disney did not completely own the rights to the film. Steven Spielberg and Amblin also owned the movie, and had to agree with everything Disney did, or Disney could not use the characters. Spielberg denied Disney the privilege to create more shorts after a dispute over who's film would open with "Roller coaster Rabbit," so Spielberg began preventing anything Disney wanted, killing the Maroon Cartoon Studios. The Red Car Track still remain in the Sunset Boulevard pavement, both as a sign of the Maroon Studios idea not coming to fruition and the time in which Sunset Boulevard is set, when the Red Car was being phased out, a scandal alluded to in the Roger Rabbit film.

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- EPCOT Center

When it opened in 1982, Walt Disney World's second theme park, EPCOT Center, was the culmination of years of planning. Originally envisioned by Walt to be an Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow, EPCOT would have been the focus of his Florida Project, an ideal city in which to live, work, and play without fear of slums, urban sprawl, or other typical dangers developing, because everything would be under Walt's ever present, watchful eye. Unfortunately, all hopes for the construction of the ambitious city died along with Walt in the December of 1966. Stuck with acres of land and no plans for it, Walt's successors put the city on hold and built the Magic Kingdom, claiming that it's subterranean halls and vacuum-powered garbage disposal system held the spirit f EPCOT. Things changed when "Playboy" magazine ran an article brutally attacking Walt Disney World and Walt Disney Productions for not building Walt's futuristic model city. Disney was incensed that "Playboy" would question their morals, so the Imagineers were put to work on EPCOT. Not EPCOT the city, but rather a more easy to operate theme park, EPCOT Center, based on the key concepts of the city, a "future world" devoted to new technology and it's effect in people's daily lives, and an International district with it's focus on shopping and dining. EPCOT Center has undergone many changes, including a name change to lowercase Epcot, but there are three major things that Disney could have, should have, and would have done.

Should Have- Kept Imageworks Upstairs

While the majority of EPCOT Center was focused on technology, Kodak's Imagination Pavilion was the most fantastical part of the park. The pavilion featured the three dimensional film "Magic Journeys" (and later "Captain EO" starring Michael Jackson) and the centerpiece attraction, the Journey into Imagination. Upon exiting the whimsical ride, guests were invited up into the building's iconic glass pyramids to explore the creative Imageworks, a bright and airy room with such amusements as the colour changing Rainbow Tunnel (pictured above), Figment's touch-screen computer Colouring Book, and tiles that made different noises when stepped upon. Sadly, the attraction's drastic change in the mid-1990s moved Imageworks from it's lofty Crystal Palace to a dark basement. The new area shows the influence of sponsor Kodak, with most of the area devoted to digital cameras. While the pictures are fun to play with, the old, open Imageworks could easily be brought back, as the room has been left virtually unchanged- same carpet, same Rainbow Tunnel, same old pavilion logo. In fact, Disney could keep both, appeasing Kodak and engaging guests in the fun areas now laying dormant.

Should Have- Kept the Wonders of Life Pavilion

Speaking of dormant areas, the next section regards Disney's Chernobyl Adventure...I mean the Wonders of Life Pavilion. Opened in 1989, the pavilion featured a show about human reproduction, an animatronic show about the body, various games, and the popular "Body Wars" simulator. Metropolitan Life sponsored the pavilion, but it was seen by most as a sort of trophy for Met Life's Chief Executive, who was determined to have a Disney connection, despite the lack of tourists going to Walt Disney World to buy insurance. Naturally, when a new CEO came along, the sponsorship was dropped, dooming Life. The pavilion languished in limbo for years, before Disney decided to open it seasonally, until they decided to close it permanently, killing Life. The pavilion still sits with it's golden dome used for special events, but otherwise it is lit as usual, except for the building being impossible to get to without climbing over the planters and trees shoved in the path. Life should be revived, for the same reason as the Plaza Swan Boats- it increases park capacity, is relatively intact, and appeals to a wide group, from thrill seekers to comedy fans. The 80s pastel should be updated, but Disney has spent more merely advertising "Pirates of the Caribbean" than it would take to refurbish and reopen the pavilion.

(Yes, I am absolutely reveling in the humour of the Wonders of Life's abbreviation)

Would Have- Built a USSR Pavilion for World Showcase

Set in a recreation of Moscow's famous Red Square, the USSR pavilion was to be very impressive. Despite the Cold War, the Soviet Union's pavilion was one of the more elaborate in World Showcase, from detailed versions of Saint Basil's Cathedral, the walls of the Moscow Kremlin, and plenty of onion domes decorating the esterior to an attraction through Russian folktales in a sleigh inside. The newest country for World Showcase seemed set to open in the early 1990s: the pavilion was designed, a plot a land was selected, and Disney knew a sleigh ride would be wildly popular, especially around Christmas. There was one catch- countries sponsored their pavilions, and the late 80s and early 90s were not a good time for the United Soviet Socialist Republics. The Berlin Wall fell, the country fell, and all hopes for a pavilion fell before it could be built. Luckily, as Russia is regaining it's wealth and power, Disney is also rumoured to be pulling out the old plans to expand World Showcase. After all, no good idea ever dies at Walt Disney Imagineering, not matter how many decades and government styles pass.

For a history of Walt Disney World and it's many entertaining anecdotes, David Koneing's "Realityland" is a perfect reference. I a more critical approach toward EPCOT Center is desired, there is a link to the EPCOT Central blog to the right of this article.

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- The Magic Kingdom

Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, the company's second foray into the world of theme park operations, opened in 1971, sixteen years after it's sister park in Anaheim. Like Disneyland, the Florida park has it's share of attractions that Disney should have kept, could have built, and would have built if not for another important factor.

Could Have- Kept the Plaza Swan Boats

The Plaza Swan Boats opened in 1973, two years after the park opened. The elegant boats drifted down the canals around the Hub and down into the jungles of Adventureland with a circle around the Swiss Family Tree house, albeit seasonally. Featuring a graceful swan with a glittering crown, the boats fit the gingerbread elegance of Main Street and the then-candy striped vessels of the Jungle Cruise. Unfortunately, the Swan Boats closed in 1983, ten years after they first began navigating the Magic Kingdom's waterways. The canals and loading dock still remain, now a smoking area, so if the ever capacity minded Disney executives want to open a new attraction, the Swan Boats would be an easy and inexpensive choice. Changes would have to be made, however, such as replacing the live Cast Member with a recorded narration, similar to Living with the Land at Epcot to save the igh operational costs. Also, the crowned Swans could easily be renamed Cinderella's Royal Swan Boats to appease the Princess audience. While it certainly would not be meant for roller coaster fanatics, but the Swan Boats were a calm, enjoyable ride, similar to the surprisingly popular Tomorrowland Transit Authority. The two have many similarities, such as the glide pat the Swiss Family Tree house echoing the TTA's dip into Space Mountain, which never ceases to thrill. Both also provide a kinetic aspect to their respective areas, working as what Walt termed a "weenie" to lure guests into the themed lands. The Plaza Swan Boats also include water, which is known to attract guests, making it an ideal attraction that Disney could easily revive.

Should Have- Built Pirates of the Caribbean for Opening Day

Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean attraction opened in 1967 in the New Orleans Square area of the park. When Walt Disney World was announced, fans assumed the Magic Kingdom would have it's own New Orleans Square and Pirates attraction as well. Disney executives thought otherwise. Florida, they thought, was already rife with pirate tales and too close to the real New Orleans for it to be exotic. They planned to replace it with the exclusive Western River Expedition, an attraction that would rival Pirates in scope and creativity. However, Western River did not make it, and the Magic Kingdom was left without a major ride. Guests at the park were shocked not find the Disneyland Pirates ride that they had heard so much about, and poured into City Hall on Main Street with complaints. Disney realized that guests had heard stories of pirates, but never actually got to experience them first hand, as in the attraction. So, to appease the angry guests, a shortened version of Pirates of the Caribbean was quickly put in a "Caribbean Plaza" area of Adventureland. While the queue, set in the labyrinthine Castillo Del Morrow, equaled the stellar themeing of Disneyland's tranquil Blue Bayou, the attraction itself was greatly abridged. The attraction, while popular, feels distinctly like an afterthought, and should have been built at park opening with identical parts as were being installed at Disneyland, in the same manner as the Haunted Mansion. Even if Western River was built, two amazing adventures have never hurt a park, have they?

Would Have- Western River Expedition

The fabled replacement for Walt Disney World's Pirates of the Caribbean was to be an elaborate boat ride past scenes of the old west. Western River Expedition was to be but a small aspect of the large Thunder Mesa, to be built on land now occupied by Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, which would have included a flume ride, a runaway mine train roller coaster, and hiking trails up to a pueblo village. Long a staple of the preview center, the future seemed bright for Thunder Mesa and the Western River, but Disney is the entertainment industry of the Festival of Fools from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," so nothing is as it seems, and a series of unexpected factors did in the Expedition. First of all, times had changed since Marc Davis did the first concept drawings for the river, and his scenes of red skinned Indians doing the rain dance were considered offensive and Politically Incorrect. Also, an expensive, audio-animatronic heavy boat ride was introduced to the park with the aforementioned Pirates of the Caribbean, so the Western-themed animatronic boat ride was deemed unoriginal. Finally, in a move that led Marc Davis to hold a grudge against imagineer Tony Baxter for decades, the company decided that the park needed more roller coasters, ending all hope for the Western River and putting Big Thunder Mountain Railroad into the spotlight.

For more information of Thunder Mesa and it's attractions, Jim Hill has written an excellent series called "Why Western River Went South" at his blog, Jim Hill Media.

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have- Disneyland

For the next six days, Dizzyland will feature a multiple part series of articles based on planned things that Disney could have done to improve their six American theme parks, things they should have done to greatly benefit the guest experience at the parks, and things that they would have gone through with and built, if not for another factor. Today, we will begin with Disneyland in California.

Could Have: Edison Square

Edison Square was to be an extension of Main Street USA. The architecture for the square's buildings and shops was based on more modern and populated areas than Midwestern Main Street, such as New York, Chicago, and Boston at the turn of the century. While Main Street has a proverbial foot in the 1800s and the early 1900s, Edison square would be modern and forward thinking, just like it's namesake. Built as an extension of Center Street, Edison Square would occupy the parcel of land now home to the Cast restaurant, the Inn Between, between Main Street and Tomorrowland. In a park in the center of the square would be a statue of Thomas Alva Edison himself, and the area's main attraction would be "Harnessing the Lightening," a series of still dioramas the guests would walk past about uses of electricity in the past, present, and future, which later evolved into the Carousel of Progress for General Electric's Progressland for the 1964-65 New York World's Fair. I personally like Edison Square not for the "Harnessing the Lightening" show, but for it's architecture, a more logical extension of Main Street than China Town, Liberty Street, or International Street, as few towns have those, but most have an upper class area, and the proposed Hollywood area off of Main Street simply destroyed the Midwestern ambiance. Also, the exit of "Harnessing the Lightening" should have gone into Tomorrowland, because Main Street set the turn of the century scene, Edison Square showed innovation and futurism beginning to make it's way into American culture, and Tomorrowland finishes the show's scene of the future by actually entering the future itself. Edison Square is still a possibility, simply replace "Harnessing the Lightening" with a Disneyland version of the "Carousel of Progress," long rumoured to be closing at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom.

Should Have- Tomorrowland 2055

Tomorrowland is the most changed of Disney's lands, since, to quote Walt Disney, "Tomorrow has a nasty habit of becoming Today." When the land opened in 1955, in was incomplete, except for a few corporate-sponsored displays, such as Crane's Bathroom of Tomorrow. The first redo of the land was in 1959 with the addition of the Matterhorn Bobsleds, the Submarine Voyage, and the Disneyland-Alweg Monorail. 1967 brought a full rebuilding of the land, dubbed, "The World on the move." Monorails were gliding overhead, people movers meandered past the cars of the Autopia and whirling Rocket Jets. Submarines traveled in the lagoon, and the Carousel theatre spun daily with it's showings of the "Carousel of Progress," and later an audio-animatronic musical revue called "America Sings." During the late 1980s and 90s, new CEO Michael Eisner proclaimed the 90s to be the "Disney Decade" of new, exciting films, parks, and attractions. One plan was a thrilling Tomorowland refurbishment called "Tomorrowland 2055." The back-story of this renovation would be that with mysterious alien relics having been excavated in Disneyland, aliens were given the signal that Earth was now ready for intergalactic tourism and a century after Disneyland's opening, Disneyland would have become a popular destination for aliens visiting Earth. Instead of Carousel of Progress, we have a huge flying saucer housing the animatronic alien show "Plectu's Fantastic Intergalactic Revue." Not only would space ships orbit and saucers fly, but gleaming steel catwalks on the building's second stories would allow guests to visit exotic shops and restaurants, while down below glowing crystals and strange plants would make the area feel truly out of this world. Unfortunately, the expansive project was put on hold, and Tomorrowland received an unpopular repainting based on Disneyland Paris's retro-futuristic patina, shocking fans with a brown Space Mountain.

Would Have- Discovery Bay

This proposed Disneyland expansion would best be described by an Imagineer who actually worked on the land's design, so I will share with you, dear reader, a WED memo from October 1976 giving a clear explaination-

Along the Rivers of America in the northen portion of Frontierland lies Discovery Bay. Having as its roots a "San Francisco of the 1850-1880s," the theme area would bring to life a time and place that climaxed an age of discovery and expansion.
Discovery Bay would reflect the influx of opportunists, dreamers and adventurers that poured into this cultural melting pot after the discovery of gold. The railroad link with the East had brought with the beginnings of culture and luxury, and the area was now earning its reputation as a "city of myths and eccentricities."
With these parameters established, a Western port city would be a logical and exciting addition to Frontierland.
Such a debarkation point would be a natural for many of our exciting show concepts, as well as some exciting new ones. The flexibility of this once-only-place in time can best be demonstrated through brief sketches of some attraction possiblities.
The area would fan out around a bay inlet from the Rivers of America. Standing on a rock outcropping, the old lighthouse keynotes the styling for this age of mechanical marvels. Here the Columbia would dock, as well as several "set piece" crafts, giving a feeling of international adventure to this frontier port.

Along the docks would be a traditional Chinatown. This version would recreate a Chinese settlement in the days of the Western Frontier, with its exotoc food dishes, merchandise, and an unusual attraction called the Fireworks Factory. Here guests could test their marksmanship -- bursting skyrockets, pinwheels, and various firecracks as they move through a whimsical assembly line.
In another corner, a group of opportunists have set up shop. Among the promises and allures offered are those a of French aerial explorer. He promises brave adventurers a trip aboard a fantastic flying machine to an Island of paradise located at the Top of the World.
With this set-up, we could effectively integrate a very exciting show that has been difficult to fit into the logic of the Park's existing realms. This "Island at the Top of the World" adventure and several others are not really fairy tales for Fantasyland, nor backwoods frontier adventures. But they do date from the late 19th Century, and could use the Discovery Bay location as a debarkation point for adventure.
Another example, the motion picture "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" has its beginning in exactly this type of place. Perhaps a new version of the old Disneyland attraction could be developed. Guests might view the workings of the Nautilus and Nemo's secrets, before dining in an undersea Grand Salon.
A time machine or "dimensional" adventure also works nicely with this 19th Century port, so often the period of time depicted in the writings of Verne and Wells.
Returning now to the streets of Discovery Bay, the facades might include elaborate gaming halls with crystal chandeliers and plush interiors, while the shop windows could reflect the runaway inflation of the golden economy (eggs - $18 a dozen, Room & Board - $100 a day) -- a parody on today's economic situation. Actual shops might include "The Model Works" featuring Disney oriented scale reproductions, and a scientific supplies office.
At the other end of town would be the Railroad Station and the site of Discovery Bay's most unusual attractions. Dominating this area is The Tower, a wild structure that takes guests down a dizzy spiral and into a giant magnetic structure where the forces of magnetism are demonstrated in a most exciting manner.
Also a part of this sector is the great Western Balloon Ascent and Professor Marvel's Gallery, a fascinating visit with the foremost collector of the exotic, weird, and whimsical from all over the world.
The cornerstone of this development would be the completion of Big Thunder Railroad. This will allow access to the new area and provide a glimpse of the gold rush fever that paved the way to the land of adventurers and dreamers -- Discovery Bay, Frontierland.

The land would have incorperated the proposed China Town on Main Street and Disneyland Paris's Discoveryland version of Tomorrowland, while still remaining grounded in the story of Fronteirland. Unfortuantely, as Disney was about to go through with the project, one factor ended all hopes of Discovery Bay. Walt Disney Productions' film "The Island at The Top of The World," a major creative influence and focus of the area's centerpice attraction, a ride in the Hyperion Airship, was a financial disaster at the box office, leading Disney executives to believe that public opinion of such an area was limited. The land that the Bay was to be built upon was later used by Michael Eisner to get celebrities to sign with the company. For example, Tim Burton was promised a land based on his films, and the same was promised to Clive Barker when the studio wanted to make a film version of his novel, "Abarat". The land remains undeveloped, and vague remanants of the Pack Mule Trail can still be seen in the trails behind the Rivers of America.

Tragic Kingdom

"Tragic Kingdom," a song from the No Doubt album of the same name, was written to lament Walt Disney's death and how Michael Eisner is widely considered to have ruined the company's classic focus on "show," or theming of the parks, to emphasize profits. Mr. Eisner actually saved the company from bankruptcy and hostile takeovers when he became Roy E. Disney's choice for CEO in 1984. However, years passed and Eisner became more driven by profits, to the point where Disneyland's buildings would fall apart from lack of maintenance. Locals in the town of Anaheim were often sad to see the Happiest Place on Earth in such disrepair, with shops opening in the buildings that once had attractions, and long-shuddered rides being left to rot. No Doubt, a band from Anaheim, was familiar with this problem and used it as the focus of their song "Tragic Kingdom," named after a nickname for the park, the "Magic Kingdom." In the below lyric analysis, the original lyrics will be italicised to differentiate them from my interpretations.

The references to Disneyland and Orange County begin with the album cover. The cover is a parody of the artwork on orange crates, which usually featured oranges, sunshine, a big orange tree full of fruit and sometimes a pretty girl with an orange. Here, though, the oranges are rotted, the tree is dead, there is a moon in place of the bright sun, and there are bugs in the corner. Gwen Stefani is posing with the rotted fruit in a dress supposedly stolen from an Orange County museum for the shoot. The back of the album continues the theme, with a sign welcoming tourists to Anaheim. Before Walt Disney built Disneyland, Anaheim was a small town with more orange groves than people. Disneyland was built on orange groves, and soon the land was developed with hotels, restaurants, and other tacky tourist traps that Walt abhorred.

~The Lyrics~

The song begins with the infamous, "Remain Seated Please! Permanacer Sentados, Por Favor!" recording from Disneyland's Matterhorn Bobsleds attraction. The recording was thrust into the spotlight when the line was change to, "Remain Seated With Your Seat belt Fastened! Permanacer Sentados, Por Favor!" Controversy was sparked accusing Disney of endangering Spanish speakers, as they were not told to keep their seat belts fastened. However, the bobsleds have a mechanism that does not let the belt release until the sled has reached the unload area. Rumour has it that Gwen Stefani worked at the Matterhorn before becoming famous with No Doubt.

Once was a magical place
Over time it was lost

Price increased the cost

Now the fortune of the kingdom

Is locked up in it's dungeon vaults

The first two lines reference Disneyland, the magic kingdom. If the song was written to be anti-Eisner, the the line about the magic being lost definitely refers to Eisner's reign. Paul Pressler, head of the Disneyland Resort under Eisner was infamous for ignoring the upkeep of attractions, causing the juice bar in front of the Tiki Room to collapse on guests. Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom park actually does have tunnels underneath it to make traveling easier for Cast Members, as well as storage of the park's money, but I assume the lines actually allude to Walt Disney putting the money he made back into his company, while Eisner did not.

The castle floor lies in traps
With coiled wires set back

Decoyed by old cheese
Now the drawbridge has been lifted
As the millions

They drop to their knees

Well, Eisner never set traps in Sleeping Beauty Castle, we can give him that. However, he was infamous for his promotions for the park, usually in the guise of tourist traps like "State Fair Days," where a Ferris Wheel was set up in front of the castle, ruining the careful forced perspective, and the Disneyland Circus, with a motorcycle "Cage of Death" in front of the castle. Many old imagineers hated this, so they put the "Partners" statue of Walt and Mickey in front of the castle, preventing and more obstructions. Decoyed by old cheese- (Mickey) mouse traps, anyone? As a fun anecdote, Disneyland's drawbridge has only been lifted twice, once for the park's opening and once for the opening of the refurbished Fantasyland in the 80s.

They pay homage to a king

Whose dreams are buried

In their minds

His tears are frozen stiff

Icicles drip from his eyes

No, Walt Disney was not cryogenically frozen. In fact, he was cremated. For a more metaphorical approach to the chorus, we can interpret his dreams buried in people's minds as his amazing, unfinished goals such as the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow and the Mineral King Ski Resort. The last part is fairly clear, that Walt somehow disapproves of Eisner's era as CEO, as cries about it.

The cold wind blows as it snows

On those who fight to get in

On heads that are small
Disillusioned as they enter
They're unaware what's

Behind castle walls

Anaheim really is not that cold, unless you are from the equator. However, as you are about to go into the Matterhorn's first lift hill, in an icy cave, there is a recorded sound effect of cold Alpine wind. No Doubt could possibly be alluding to Ms. Stefani's rumoured job at the Matterhorn, it could be simply for dramatic effect. This verse makes me more depressed than any of the others, as it makes Disneyland seem horrible, which I do not think it is at all. However, No Doubt could be predicting an Eisner-led Disneyland dystopia, where people expect the joy of Disneyland, only to find crumbling infrastructure, corporate sturm und drang, and more shops than attractions.

But now it's written in stone

The king has been overthrown
By jesterly fools
And the power of the people

Shall come to believe they do rule

(Please bare with me as Blogger has caused the formatting of my article to go rather spastic at this point. While each line is a space apart, they are all part of the same verse. I apologize.)

Here, No Doubt takes their worst swing at Eisner, claiming that he has overthrown Walt. Walt Disney, in fact, was eighteen years dead by the time Michael Eisner was named Chief Executive Officer, and the company was in financial ruin. Walt's successors had futilely tried to cling to anything with Walt's faintest fingerprints on it, but Eisner was a fresh face who revitalized the long dormant company with new ideas, not a "jesterly fool." Eisner's first decade is often considered the company's finest, as it saved Disney from hostile take overs and threats to divide the company and sell off each individual piece. The later part of the verse most likely refers to the guests who cause problems, only blame Disneyland, a small group of trouble makers to be discussed later in the song.

They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
His tears are frozen stiff

Icicles drip from his eyes
(See Above)

Welcome to the tragic kingdom
Cornfields of popcorn
Have yet to spring open

This part is rather straight forward. Again, we see "Tragic" taking the place of "Magic," and mentions of popcorn. Perhaps this references Walt's rule of always keeping popcorn carts full, no matter how many people were at the park to make it look nicer. Reasonably, Eisner cut costs by changing that rule. I personally do not find fault with this as the number of popcorn carts does not affect my enjoyment of the park significantly.

Have they lost their heads

Or are they just all blind mice

We've heard all their stories

One too many times

There are two possible approaches to this verse. One interprets "they" as Disney Management. Are the people in power certifiably crazy, or are they simply oblivious to the visible problems with the parks? The Guests are annoyed with the company's excuses to justify what are perceived as bad decisions. Depending on one's opinion of corporate symbols, Mickey could be considered a mouse "blind" to the park's issues.

Approach number two casts guests at the park as the blind mice, here using the "Tragic" in the kingdom to refer to the deaths and lawsuits surrounding Disneyland's attractions. Are the stupid guests lunatics, or are they just unaware of their surroundings? This alludes to the classic nursery rhyme about the Three Blind Mice, who chop off their tails and are not aware of their self-harm. These people have made up wild justifications for their problems, such as the woman who stumbled out of the monorail, and deemed it badly made because guests should not have to step into the bright California sun, but the Disney company and the general public are sick and tired of the ridiculous excuses.

Hypnotized by fireflies

That glow in the dark

Midgets that disguise themselves

As tiny little dwarfs

Disneyland's "Pirates of the Caribbean" attraction begins in a moonlit bayou with glowing fireflies flickering out in the swamps of New Orleans, and the ever-popular Disney characters include Snow White's seven dwarfs. No Doubt is most likely alluding to the guests at Disneyland who fall too deeply into the fantasy, and believe that they cannot be harmed, and, for example, reach out of their boat in "Pirates" and fall into the water.

The parade that's electrical

It serves no real purpose

Just take up a lot of juice

Just to impress us

This part of the song is confusing, as it contradicts the rest of the lyrics.. If we are to believe that the kingdom became "tragic" under the reign of Michael Eisner, who is known for cutting the special details that did not have a purpose other than to make Disneyland special, then why is No Doubt villainizing the Walt-era Main Street Electrical Parade? Perhaps it's intent was to clearly tie the lyrics to Disneyland, because of all the references to Disneyland in the song, this is certainly the most obvious. While it could be a sad tale of the downfall of a fairytale kingdom, no stereotypical story of that genre included an electrical parade. The Main Street Electrical parade included floats covered in twinkling lights that danced through the park, accompanied by synthesized music from Disney's films. When the parade was to be stopped by Eisner, fans complained, so a successor, "Light Magic" was created to be the Electrical Parade improved, but "Lite Tragic" as it has been deemed, was an utter failure, so Disney revived the parade, and fans rejoiced that it was no longer "glowing away forever."

Welcome to the tragic kingdom

Cornfields of popcorn

Have yet to spring open

That concludes "Tragic Kingdom." Exactly one decade after the album was released, Michael Eisner was fired from his position as CEO of The Walt Disney Company, to be replaced by his chosen appointee, Robert Iger, after a long battle with Roy E. Disney, Walt Disney's nephew and the man who named Eisner CEO originally. While Eisner and Iger share many traits, Iger is more popular, as he has a stronger belief in spending money to make money, as exemplified by his purchase of Pixar, rearrangement of corporate positions, and the current billion dollar refurbishment of Disney's California Adventure park, built by Eisner on the former Disneyland parking lot. For further reading on Michael Eisner and his effect on Disney, he has written a biography, titled, "A Work in Progress," and the expose, "Mouse Tales: A Behind-The-Ears Look at Disneyland" and it's sequel, "More Mouse Tales," both by David Koenig. On the Internet, the blogs, "Re-Imagineering" and "EPCOT Central" are serious looks at the state of Disney's parks and resorts, with the latter focusing solely on EPCOT Center in Florida.

To All Who Come to This Zany Place...

Welcome. Dizzyland is (somewhat) your land. Here, age relives fond memories of the past...and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Dizzyland is dedicated to the dreams, ideals, hard facts, and general lunacy that has created the world..with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the universe, even the planets with aliens.

~Walt Dizzy, Proprietor.

That is more or less this blog's mission statement, if you can call it that. This will most likely not be as structured as others, that is I will not focus on one particular topic. Organized chaos, if you will; assorted thoughts on topics ranging from the entertainment industry and The Walt Disney Company to video games and NiGHTS into Dreams.

Without further ado, I welcome you all to Dizzyland, the Craziest Place on Earth, or anywhere else, for that matter!