Isn't he cuuuuuuuuute!
Don't ask about the lowercase "i"
The Star Rod and the five Ideya
Wizeman (Left) and Nightmare
To all who come to this zany place; welcome. Dizzyland is (somewhat) your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past...and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Dizzyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, the hard facts, and the total lunacy that has created the world...with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the Universe, even the planets with aliens. ~ Walt Dizzy, Proprietor
Isn't he cuuuuuuuuute!
Don't ask about the lowercase "i"
The April release of date came quickly. Crowds packed the Orpheum theatre, cheering for Cherry Darling (McGowan) and cringing at the infected "sicko" zombies in Rodriguez's blood-spattered gore fest "Planet Terror." As the "Funky Fanfare" signaled the fantastic intermission and "prevues of coming attractions," audiences were teased with trailers for movies never to come, featuring such tantalizing titles as "Werewolf Women of the SS," "Don't," and "Thanksgiving," a slasher very much in the same vein as "April Fool's Day" and "New Year's Evil." The positive reactions continued. Things slowed down with Tarantino's talkative "Death Proof," but the project was a success.
At first, the idea of a simple attraction name change seems foolish and pointless, but Dinosaur, formerly Countdown to Extinction, is in desperate need of such an adjustment. The interior of the prestigious Dino Institute not only houses exhibits based more on extinct animals than dinosaurs in particular, but also the CTX Time Rovers, based on the name Countdown To Extinction. The name was changed to tie in with Disney's computer animated film, Dinosaur, which did poorly at the box office. The name is not a draw, nor is the attraction inside based on the film, so a rename would not send conflicting messages. The story is about the supposed meteor shower that wiped out the dinosaurs, so Countdown to Extinction makes sense with the idea of a race against time to escape the past without becoming extinct. Also, the current name does not hold as much significance to the commitment to extinct animals as a whole, rather than specifically dinosaurs, as a mural of extinct creatures dons the wall of the ride's gift shop. Finally, Dinosaur conveys to guests that the ride is about dinosaurs, which is both bland and unrevealing about the plot of the attraction. Countdown to Extinction, however, is attention catching and briefly gives the idea that the ride is fast paced and thrilling, unlike the sedate Institute facade. While a name change is minor, it has an effect and could easily be done.
Should Have- The Excavator
Animal Kingdom opened with the promise to "pay tribute to animals live, extinct, and imaginary," so naturally a Dinosaur themed area would be a major aspect. Dinoland, USA ended up opening with only one major attraction, Countdown to Extinction; a restaurant(osaurus); and a play area, the Boneyard. While it ended up being only a McDonald's sponsored playground, albeit a detailed play ground themed to a dinosaur dig site, the Boneyard was planned to have much more. The area's focus, seen in the artwork above, was going to be "The Excavator," a wooden roller coaster in a mine cart over and under the land, including dramatic sweeps passed fossils. All seemed green lit for the coaster, but as costs began to rise and Animal Kingdom's budget got higher and higher, Eisner had to pull the plug on select projects deemed unimportant, the first and foremost being the Excavator. While Dinoland is much more completed with the addition of Chester and Hester's Dino-Rama!, and now has the Primeval Whirl coaster, the Excavator would be a thrilling, thematically correct way to improve park capacity and draw in more guests. Plans have not been made to build the Excavator, and the land originally planned for it has been developed, causing a problem over where to put the attraction should it be built. The best area would probably be behind Chester and Hester's, but that could provide problematic views of backstage areas. Also, the skyline would become unbalanced, with large Expedition Everest and the Excavator on the east side of the park, and no large structure to the west.
Would Have- Beastly Kingdomme
No conversation about planned Animal Kingdom is complete without mention of Beastly Kingdomme, alternatively spelled Kingdome and Kingdom. The Kingdomme was planned for the space now occupied by Camp Minnie-Mickey, along the Discovery River between Discovery Village and Africa. Beastly Kingdomme would have been split into two areas, the good side, with a Fantasia boat ride past the Greek/Roman gods of the "Pastorale Symphony" segment and a hedge maze to find a beautiful unicorn in a magical grotto, and the evil side, home to the charred ruins of the Dragon's Tower. Upon entering the castle, bats hanging upside down would tell guests of a great treasure in the fortress's charred remains, guarded by a fabled fire breathing dragon. Once the guests boarded, Kuka's robotic arm technology would carry them through the castle, past the treasure, and culminating with a climactic glimpse of the dragon, holding a charred roller coaster train and breathing real fire at visitors. Imagineers were excited about the area, so they gave the parking lot a unicorn area, adorned a ticket booth with a dragon's head, and put a dragon on the park's logo. Even the Discovery River Cruise would have featured an area with charred knight's armour and a dragon, based on the one beneath Disneyland Paris's castle, breathing fire at the guests. Unfortunately, budget cuts were made, first causing the dragon along the river to be replaced by a dragon-shaped rock formation. The cuts continued, and finally the entire area was dropped, replaced by the "temporary" Camp Minnie-Mickey, which proved to be more popular than the executives in Burbank thought. Beastly Kingdomme could be built, and it would draw many more tourists and thus make money for the park, while also giving the logo, parking area, and ticket booth more meaning. Disney's Animal Kingdom must fulfill it's goal to pay tribute to animals living, extinct, and imaginary.
Actual filming while guests toured the park. That was Disney's plan to lure guests to the Disney-MGM Studios, as it was then known. It's seemed to be the perfect idea, a win-win-win situation- Disney could shoot television series and films in Florida much cheaper than in California, guests could experience show business first hand, and the state of Florida and city of Orlando could get the prestige of becoming Hollywood east. Everything was set. The promise of filming was printed in guide books and advertisements, Disney had multiple shows and movies to film at the park, and guests were anticipating seeing real movie stars. Then reality came in fantasyland. It cost just as much to film in Florida as it did in California once the price of airfare was added in. That ended Disney's desire to do much of anything, other than a few television shows and animation, but even those stopped filming. Guests were upset, as whenever shooting actually did happen, those parts of the park were closed off. Disney finally set up cast members with cameras along the backlot tour route, and had the tour guides tell guests to be quiet, due to the filming of a music video. Frequent guests caught on to the ploy, and Disney stopped. Actual filming in the park of television and animation could easily happen again, and guests could walk through sound-proof halls with audio playing inside the hall for guests to hear. Also, if the price was the same for movie making, then Disney could film in Florida without problems.
Disney has often had a good friendship with George Lucas, leading to such attractions as Star Tours, the Studio's Indiana Jones stunt show, and Disneyland's Indiana Jones Adventure attraction. Disney's Hollywood Studios prominently featured the works of Lucas in the form of the Stunt show and Star Tours. Rumor began to circulate in the late 1990s that Disneyland's amazing Indian Jones Adventure attraction would be coming to Disney-MGM Studios, a park in desperate need of expansion. The attraction would have been the perfect compliment to the similarly-themed stunt show, and was considered by Disney executives. However, Disney's Animal Kingdom opened in 1998 with the Countdown to Extinction ride, which used the same technology and track layout as Anaheim's Indy. Disney decided that two similar rides should not be on the same property, so in a twist of fate similar to that of the Western River, Indy was doomed. With the current emphasis on refurbishing the Studios, rumours have started again that the Temple of the Forbidden Eye will be an aspect of a proposed Lucasfilm Studio expansion, which would be very beneficial to the Hollywood Studios, still very much a "half day" park. Disney's notion that two similar ride systems are not good when close together is a bit far fetched considering most of Fantasyland is the same type of darkride, and rarely do guests ride Peter Pan's Flight and deem it the same as Snow White's Scary Adventures. Technology does not usually affect the average guest; it's the theme that makes two rides different or similar.
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit" was an excellent success for the Walt Disney Company, so naturally they capitalized on the characters, opening Mickey's Toontown in California, devoting much of Disneyland's fortieth anniversary to Roger, making theatrical shorts, and naturally having him be a heavy influence on their newest park in Florida. Eddie Valiant's office from the film is seen over Echo Lake, complete with "No Toons" sign and a Roger shaped hole in the window. On Hollywood Boulevard, Roger, Jessica, and Baby Herman are the focus of Maroon Cartoons' billboard. Disney even intended to devote much of the Sunset Boulevard area to Roger, opening the Maroon Studios. The area would include the Red Car from the film, a simulator ride through Toontown, a diner with actual Toons eating along with guests, Baby Herman's runaway buggy miniature roller coaster, in which guest would ride a baby carriage while wearing a giant diaper and bonnet, making for hilarious photos throughout the ride, and Roger's multilevel Car-Toon Spin, where guests would ride in Benny the Cab through Toontown. The problem was that Disney did not completely own the rights to the film. Steven Spielberg and Amblin also owned the movie, and had to agree with everything Disney did, or Disney could not use the characters. Spielberg denied Disney the privilege to create more shorts after a dispute over who's film would open with "Roller coaster Rabbit," so Spielberg began preventing anything Disney wanted, killing the Maroon Cartoon Studios. The Red Car Track still remain in the Sunset Boulevard pavement, both as a sign of the Maroon Studios idea not coming to fruition and the time in which Sunset Boulevard is set, when the Red Car was being phased out, a scandal alluded to in the Roger Rabbit film.
Speaking of dormant areas, the next section regards Disney's Chernobyl Adventure...I mean the Wonders of Life Pavilion. Opened in 1989, the pavilion featured a show about human reproduction, an animatronic show about the body, various games, and the popular "Body Wars" simulator. Metropolitan Life sponsored the pavilion, but it was seen by most as a sort of trophy for Met Life's Chief Executive, who was determined to have a Disney connection, despite the lack of tourists going to Walt Disney World to buy insurance. Naturally, when a new CEO came along, the sponsorship was dropped, dooming Life. The pavilion languished in limbo for years, before Disney decided to open it seasonally, until they decided to close it permanently, killing Life. The pavilion still sits with it's golden dome used for special events, but otherwise it is lit as usual, except for the building being impossible to get to without climbing over the planters and trees shoved in the path. Life should be revived, for the same reason as the Plaza Swan Boats- it increases park capacity, is relatively intact, and appeals to a wide group, from thrill seekers to comedy fans. The 80s pastel should be updated, but Disney has spent more merely advertising "Pirates of the Caribbean" than it would take to refurbish and reopen the pavilion.
(Yes, I am absolutely reveling in the humour of the Wonders of Life's abbreviation)
Would Have- Built a USSR Pavilion for World Showcase
Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean attraction opened in 1967 in the New Orleans Square area of the park. When Walt Disney World was announced, fans assumed the Magic Kingdom would have it's own New Orleans Square and Pirates attraction as well. Disney executives thought otherwise. Florida, they thought, was already rife with pirate tales and too close to the real New Orleans for it to be exotic. They planned to replace it with the exclusive Western River Expedition, an attraction that would rival Pirates in scope and creativity. However, Western River did not make it, and the Magic Kingdom was left without a major ride. Guests at the park were shocked not find the Disneyland Pirates ride that they had heard so much about, and poured into City Hall on Main Street with complaints. Disney realized that guests had heard stories of pirates, but never actually got to experience them first hand, as in the attraction. So, to appease the angry guests, a shortened version of Pirates of the Caribbean was quickly put in a "Caribbean Plaza" area of Adventureland. While the queue, set in the labyrinthine Castillo Del Morrow, equaled the stellar themeing of Disneyland's tranquil Blue Bayou, the attraction itself was greatly abridged. The attraction, while popular, feels distinctly like an afterthought, and should have been built at park opening with identical parts as were being installed at Disneyland, in the same manner as the Haunted Mansion. Even if Western River was built, two amazing adventures have never hurt a park, have they?
Would Have- Western River Expedition
The fabled replacement for Walt Disney World's Pirates of the Caribbean was to be an elaborate boat ride past scenes of the old west. Western River Expedition was to be but a small aspect of the large Thunder Mesa, to be built on land now occupied by Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, which would have included a flume ride, a runaway mine train roller coaster, and hiking trails up to a pueblo village. Long a staple of the preview center, the future seemed bright for Thunder Mesa and the Western River, but Disney is the entertainment industry of the Festival of Fools from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," so nothing is as it seems, and a series of unexpected factors did in the Expedition. First of all, times had changed since Marc Davis did the first concept drawings for the river, and his scenes of red skinned Indians doing the rain dance were considered offensive and Politically Incorrect. Also, an expensive, audio-animatronic heavy boat ride was introduced to the park with the aforementioned Pirates of the Caribbean, so the Western-themed animatronic boat ride was deemed unoriginal. Finally, in a move that led Marc Davis to hold a grudge against imagineer Tony Baxter for decades, the company decided that the park needed more roller coasters, ending all hope for the Western River and putting Big Thunder Mountain Railroad into the spotlight.
For more information of Thunder Mesa and it's attractions, Jim Hill has written an excellent series called "Why Western River Went South" at his blog, Jim Hill Media.
This proposed Disneyland expansion would best be described by an Imagineer who actually worked on the land's design, so I will share with you, dear reader, a WED memo from October 1976 giving a clear explaination-
Along the Rivers of America in the northen portion of Frontierland lies Discovery Bay. Having as its roots a "San Francisco of the 1850-1880s," the theme area would bring to life a time and place that climaxed an age of discovery and expansion.
Discovery Bay would reflect the influx of opportunists, dreamers and adventurers that poured into this cultural melting pot after the discovery of gold. The railroad link with the East had brought with the beginnings of culture and luxury, and the area was now earning its reputation as a "city of myths and eccentricities."
With these parameters established, a Western port city would be a logical and exciting addition to Frontierland.
Such a debarkation point would be a natural for many of our exciting show concepts, as well as some exciting new ones. The flexibility of this once-only-place in time can best be demonstrated through brief sketches of some attraction possiblities.
The area would fan out around a bay inlet from the Rivers of America. Standing on a rock outcropping, the old lighthouse keynotes the styling for this age of mechanical marvels. Here the Columbia would dock, as well as several "set piece" crafts, giving a feeling of international adventure to this frontier port.
Along the docks would be a traditional Chinatown. This version would recreate a Chinese settlement in the days of the Western Frontier, with its exotoc food dishes, merchandise, and an unusual attraction called the Fireworks Factory. Here guests could test their marksmanship -- bursting skyrockets, pinwheels, and various firecracks as they move through a whimsical assembly line.
In another corner, a group of opportunists have set up shop. Among the promises and allures offered are those a of French aerial explorer. He promises brave adventurers a trip aboard a fantastic flying machine to an Island of paradise located at the Top of the World.
With this set-up, we could effectively integrate a very exciting show that has been difficult to fit into the logic of the Park's existing realms. This "Island at the Top of the World" adventure and several others are not really fairy tales for Fantasyland, nor backwoods frontier adventures. But they do date from the late 19th Century, and could use the Discovery Bay location as a debarkation point for adventure.
Another example, the motion picture "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" has its beginning in exactly this type of place. Perhaps a new version of the old Disneyland attraction could be developed. Guests might view the workings of the Nautilus and Nemo's secrets, before dining in an undersea Grand Salon.
A time machine or "dimensional" adventure also works nicely with this 19th Century port, so often the period of time depicted in the writings of Verne and Wells.
Returning now to the streets of Discovery Bay, the facades might include elaborate gaming halls with crystal chandeliers and plush interiors, while the shop windows could reflect the runaway inflation of the golden economy (eggs - $18 a dozen, Room & Board - $100 a day) -- a parody on today's economic situation. Actual shops might include "The Model Works" featuring Disney oriented scale reproductions, and a scientific supplies office.
At the other end of town would be the Railroad Station and the site of Discovery Bay's most unusual attractions. Dominating this area is The Tower, a wild structure that takes guests down a dizzy spiral and into a giant magnetic structure where the forces of magnetism are demonstrated in a most exciting manner.
Also a part of this sector is the great Western Balloon Ascent and Professor Marvel's Gallery, a fascinating visit with the foremost collector of the exotic, weird, and whimsical from all over the world.
The cornerstone of this development would be the completion of Big Thunder Railroad. This will allow access to the new area and provide a glimpse of the gold rush fever that paved the way to the land of adventurers and dreamers -- Discovery Bay, Frontierland.
The land would have incorperated the proposed China Town on Main Street and Disneyland Paris's Discoveryland version of Tomorrowland, while still remaining grounded in the story of Fronteirland. Unfortuantely, as Disney was about to go through with the project, one factor ended all hopes of Discovery Bay. Walt Disney Productions' film "The Island at The Top of The World," a major creative influence and focus of the area's centerpice attraction, a ride in the Hyperion Airship, was a financial disaster at the box office, leading Disney executives to believe that public opinion of such an area was limited. The land that the Bay was to be built upon was later used by Michael Eisner to get celebrities to sign with the company. For example, Tim Burton was promised a land based on his films, and the same was promised to Clive Barker when the studio wanted to make a film version of his novel, "Abarat". The land remains undeveloped, and vague remanants of the Pack Mule Trail can still be seen in the trails behind the Rivers of America.
Anaheim really is not that cold, unless you are from the equator. However, as you are about to go into the Matterhorn's first lift hill, in an icy cave, there is a recorded sound effect of cold Alpine wind. No Doubt could possibly be alluding to Ms. Stefani's rumoured job at the Matterhorn, it could be simply for dramatic effect. This verse makes me more depressed than any of the others, as it makes Disneyland seem horrible, which I do not think it is at all. However, No Doubt could be predicting an Eisner-led Disneyland dystopia, where people expect the joy of Disneyland, only to find crumbling infrastructure, corporate sturm und drang, and more shops than attractions.
But now it's written in stone
The king has been overthrown
By jesterly fools
And the power of the people
Shall come to believe they do rule
(Please bare with me as Blogger has caused the formatting of my article to go rather spastic at this point. While each line is a space apart, they are all part of the same verse. I apologize.)
Here, No Doubt takes their worst swing at Eisner, claiming that he has overthrown Walt. Walt Disney, in fact, was eighteen years dead by the time Michael Eisner was named Chief Executive Officer, and the company was in financial ruin. Walt's successors had futilely tried to cling to anything with Walt's faintest fingerprints on it, but Eisner was a fresh face who revitalized the long dormant company with new ideas, not a "jesterly fool." Eisner's first decade is often considered the company's finest, as it saved Disney from hostile take overs and threats to divide the company and sell off each individual piece. The later part of the verse most likely refers to the guests who cause problems, only blame Disneyland, a small group of trouble makers to be discussed later in the song.
They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
His tears are frozen stiff
Icicles drip from his eyes
(See Above)
Welcome to the tragic kingdom
Cornfields of popcorn
Have yet to spring open
This part is rather straight forward. Again, we see "Tragic" taking the place of "Magic," and mentions of popcorn. Perhaps this references Walt's rule of always keeping popcorn carts full, no matter how many people were at the park to make it look nicer. Reasonably, Eisner cut costs by changing that rule. I personally do not find fault with this as the number of popcorn carts does not affect my enjoyment of the park significantly.
That concludes "Tragic Kingdom." Exactly one decade after the album was released, Michael Eisner was fired from his position as CEO of The Walt Disney Company, to be replaced by his chosen appointee, Robert Iger, after a long battle with Roy E. Disney, Walt Disney's nephew and the man who named Eisner CEO originally. While Eisner and Iger share many traits, Iger is more popular, as he has a stronger belief in spending money to make money, as exemplified by his purchase of Pixar, rearrangement of corporate positions, and the current billion dollar refurbishment of Disney's California Adventure park, built by Eisner on the former Disneyland parking lot. For further reading on Michael Eisner and his effect on Disney, he has written a biography, titled, "A Work in Progress," and the expose, "Mouse Tales: A Behind-The-Ears Look at Disneyland" and it's sequel, "More Mouse Tales," both by David Koenig. On the Internet, the blogs, "Re-Imagineering" and "EPCOT Central" are serious looks at the state of Disney's parks and resorts, with the latter focusing solely on EPCOT Center in Florida.